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Revision as of 15:56, 22 January 2023 by Koham (talk | contribs) (Speak to me)
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It rained today a bit and it had rained a bit yesterday as well. The air is so much cleaner and moist and chilly. I really adore the rainfall - it comes once in a while, and clears away the fog and the smog.

This is the last lesson, for me. It is one of the most ancient one. In reality it is like a switch - one either knows and understands it or does not. However, I have to go through the process of learning it. Until recently it was a black-box, I could not phrase it exactly, but today I found it in a song behind a raga.

It is going to take some time. I am asking you for 11 weeks. In about that time, there will be clarity for both of us and then you can decide whether we can have closure or commitment. At this time, the present moment, I cannot promise anything. I am sorry. However, I will have the power to give my all to this by that time. Right now, I cannot - it would be untrue if I said I could.

A new year will be starting near around the full moon. I am sure that while I may not be able to give you exactly what you want, I will present myself to you and we can see if we can take that further in one manner or another.

I know that it is late to be sharing this message - I should sent this 3 nights ago. Or maybe 3 weeks ago, or 3 months ago. Maybe 3 years. I am now going to execute the plans that I wanted to execute three years ago. That time, I thought I knew most everything about this existence. Now I know that I know really not much. I feel so small in the grand beauty of everything.

I am going to start a project for those number of weeks from the fifth of this month, in four days. Hopefully I will be able to explain what I intend to achieve with this by Tuesday or Thurday nights.

I wish I could apologize for all that has happened. It would be wrong of me to do so as I have not been able to relate. I am however sorry that I am not sending this message sooner, rather sending this on the start of a weekday. Also, I am aware of the crudeness of my language and the sharpness of expressions. Please bear this a bit longer.

I am making some changes and using everything I got to go ahead. I can assure you of this - that by that time we will not have fear or doubt between us, however the nature of the relationship that will come out. Maybe all this is not going to make any sense to you now, and possibly is not making complete sense to me, but things will be much clearer in this time.

Please wait a couple more days. When I had reached out to you last year, I had impregnated you with an idea (a white bird carrying my message, flying into the red run and fusing with it). I know that idea however I had not known how to manifest that into reality. I want us to be in each other's reality, to be present with each other.

I am sorry that if this offends you. I cannot tell anymore. Words and everything feels so flat. There is still some time left in those 441 days. Please breathe in ease, and don't be afraid to care. And then if I cannot reach out to you physically by that time, and you must leave, then sure leave. But there is no reason why you have to leave me.

P.S I am kinda 3 minutes late in publishing this